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na nowy kolejny ciężki tydzień w naszym zawodzie

New Airline Rules

Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket?

Passenger: Sure.

Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!

Passenger: What for?

Attendant: For telling you where to sit.

Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It's
the airline's new policy.

Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.

Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?

Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear
about this.

Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you
like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?

Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.

Passenger: What?

Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.

Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.

Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit, and
fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But, first I
need that $10.

Passenger: No way!

Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air
marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.

Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?

Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.

Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this.

Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I
can do for you?

Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to
work. Can you fix it?

Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters
into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.

Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?

Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of
charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.

Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?

Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!

Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.

Attendant: Yes, there's a change making fee of 25 cents.

Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What
the heck can I do with this?

Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.

TRAVEL AGENT TERMS

- Old world charm means room with no TV, radio and only 1 light.

- Tropical means rainy.

- Majestic setting means a long way from town, at end of dirt road.

- Options galore means nothing is included in the price.

- Secluded hideaway means directions to locate unclear.

- Some budget rooms means sorry, already occupied.

- Explore on your own means at your own expense.

- Minutes from... means by plane.

- Romantic means no phone in room.

- Knowledgeable trip hosts ... They've flown in an airplane before.

- No extra fees means no extras available.

- Bird Watchers Paradise means your car's paint will never be the same.

- Nominal fee means outrageous charge.

- Standard means sub-standard.

- Deluxe means barely standard.

- Superior accommodations means one complimentary chocolate, free shower cap.

- All the amenities means two chocolates, two shower caps.

- Just Like Home means no maid service.

- Plush means both top and bottom sheets, bed shakes.

- Gentle breezes means in hurricane alley.

- Light and airy means no air conditioning.

- Picturesque means theme park nearby.

- 24-hour bar means ice cubes at additional cost (when available).

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An award should go to the gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded flight was cancelled due to a mechanical problem. As would have it, the airline left a single customer service agent with the monumental task of rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way past everyone else in line to the front of the counter. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said "I HAVE TO BE ON THIS FLIGHT AND IT HAS TO BE FIRST CLASS!!" The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to help you but I've got to help these folks first, then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the other passengers behind him could hear,

"Do you have any idea who I am...??"

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone and made the following announcement "May I have your attention please..." she began, her voice echoing throughout the terminal.

"We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 17."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the agent, gritted his teeth and swore. "F#&*! YOU..!!!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."

The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was cancelled and people were late, they were no longer angry at the airline.

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